Have Your Children Interrupted Your Marriage

by Tiya Cunningham-Sumter- I hold many titles in my life; daughter, sister, friend, spouse, employee, and mother. Each of these roles carry a different level of responsibility. There might be serious consequences if I neglect either one. But for me, none of those other headings mattered as much the moment I became a mother.Anyone who has been blessed by parenthood knows the event is like no other. Nothing else compares to the degree of love you feel. My journey to motherhood was nothing I ever experienced before. As a result, I placed a lot of focus and energy into being a mom. This was the one job I didn’t want to get wrong. Normally when one area becomes the priority everything else takes a back seat. This happened in my marriage.Unfortunately, most married couples encounter this challenge after they become parents. It makes sense. Children can’t raise themselves. They rely solely on us to provide for them. Meanwhile, we let the other adult in our relationship fend for themselves. We assume they understand and feel the same way we do in terms of being a parent. But the needs our spouse had before children haven’t disappeared. And sometimes they have some of the same requests our children have.Just like our babies, our spouses crave attention. They want to be listened to and believe they matter to us. When they share how they feel or what happened during their day it is our job to provide our undivided attention.Making time for our children reinforces the idea that they are important. We are creating memories that will remain with them for a lifetime. It is imperative our children never feel neglected. Again, same is true for our mates. They also desire special quality time. Making sure time is carved out exclusively for our mate is necessary. In order to do this we sometimes have to ask for help whenever we feel overwhelmed.Simply saying how much we love our children isn’t as effective as showing them. Frequent hugs and kisses reassures our little ones of just how much they are loved.Affection is also important to our spouses. Even when we get busy raising our families, staying connected as husband and wife is critical.We are responsible for providing our children with love, guidance, and support. Just as we chose to be parents and were aware of the obligations that came along with the title, we also chose to be a spouse. There are certain duties we can’t neglect. Yes, children change the dynamic of a relationship but they shouldn’t interrupt our marriage. It is each partner’s responsibility to maintain a healthy relationship. We must balance parenthood while maintaining a healthy love life.

Home sweet home

So since I've last written I got married, added a new edition to the family so now there's Imani 9 Rashaud 3 and Isaiah 5 months so I have my hands full now. My family expects a lot from me and I must live up to their expectations which sometimes feels impossible, but this is the life I choose and although its stressful at times I wouldn't give it up for the world I love my husband and my children they are my whole world and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them!

Motherhood

Motherhood, a job that has no union, salary, or time off. From day one, you're on the job full force. Whether you perform at your best your still a mother 24/7 365, 366 on a leap year. You are expected to know all the answers, kiss all the boo boos, teach all that you know, be an ATM, read to them, sometimes be a father too. Lose sleep when they're sick. Solve their problems and raise their self-esteem. You're also expected to nourish and raise them. The only benefits that you get if you're lucky; is an occasional "Mom, I love you" or a mother's day card. I applied for this job 9 years ago, and it hasn't gotten easier, but crazy me for loving my job. Silly me for being the best employee.