A place to show moms that we are not perfect and it's okay.
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
FEELING: AN EMOTIONAL STATE OR REACTION
Upon getting married you believe without a doubt that the person you are marrying is your best friend, your confidant, your soulmate, the one person who knows you inside and out and accepts you without judgement. What happens after 8 years of being together and 5 years of marriage you realize your not the same person you were before, and your not quite sure who that person was and how did they get here to the current time. Prior to marriage I was a free spirit that sounds better than any other words I could come up with lol. The idea of marriage never crossed my mind, and at the time I didn't believe I was worthy of such a thing. Then I met my now husband and our beginning interactions were very awkward and didn't prove to be going anywhere fast.... As I got to know him I realized his thought pattern was different from anyone I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He use to always joke that he couldn't be with someone like me because I was a "free spirit" but as we hung out more and more we became quite fond of each other. Being in his life was a different experience nothing I had ever experience before, and I liked it but I didn't know how to "act" there was a lot I didn't know, so I did a crash course and molded myself in what I believed he wanted me to be to fit into his world something he never asked me to do by the way. It was something I was use to doing, and by me doing that so often I had no clue to who I really was. Skip ahead to the current year. I started a fitness journey in January something else that never crossed my mind. As I started to lose the weight a lot changed. I became more confident, more out spoken. Instead of hiding in the shadows I wanted to be seen. This person I was becoming took the world by storm as my body started to transform, so did my mind. Things I didn't want before I now want and vice versa. In the mist of all this you have my poor husband who was use to his simple wife, and his simple life trying to figure out what happened??? And I can't quite explain it but I want him to just be on board!!! I scream MY FEELINGS, MY FEELINGS all day long and never once stopped to consider his feelings in this whole transformation. Don't tell him I'm admitting this he will never let me live this down!!! How do we get back on the same page without me having to regress?
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This was such a heart filled post. It's so easy as a mother and wife to forget who we are so that we can be so many things to so many other people. I have often felt like my husband and daughter have zapped all of who I am...sometimes it is frustrating to feel this way and I do struggle with maintaining the "Femi" I once was. Even still, I believe it is important that you've began to transform so that you can be a better wife and mother. You don't need to regress for you to be on the same page as your husband. He needs to understand who you need to be for you so that you can be the best wife to him and the best to your kids. Thanks for writing this...I've been feeling like this for so long and didn't even know how to verbalize until I read this post. xo
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your metamorphosis. Seems yout free spirit was caterlillar like and your union resembled somewhat of a cocooned experience but you're now entering your butterfly phase. Its your life cycle. Not everyone blossoms but when they do it happens at a different times. Even in relationships. I can completely identify with this post. When I got married i did enter my own merging pattern because it was harmonious in my mind and still has yet to discover ME. That comes with time and experience. Allow your life to unfold and he will get to know the evolved you
ReplyDeleteVery emotional and deep post! I'm a firm believer of partnership that includes being on the absolute same page about major family decisions which include starting a weight loss journey. However positive that is, if you met your partner a certain way and then you start to transform into something different however positive it may be that can be a lot on your partner.
ReplyDeleteThank you for that honesty at the time I didn't think of that. I went natural last year and one of my friends asked me did I consult with my husband before doing so, I thought that person was crazy but now that you mention that it's quite the eye opener thank you.
DeleteMy opinion anything done in a marriage should be together, when you see the other person starting to change or transform as you say they can feel like they losing them. Me for instance I'm diabetic and im taking my health into consideration by cutting back on meat for now and once im done with this christmas bullshit im going vegan but im involving my significant other to see if its something she wants to do
ReplyDeleteI invited him on my journey but he refused he said he would do it his way in his own time...
DeleteWell, here's my two cents..... first of all, congratulations on the weight loss. I was in your same boat. I just wasn't married. I lost a ton of weight and slowly but surely, I gained a lot of confidence. What your husband is feeling is discomfort per say. A bit of him feels because you out here doing your thing, you are going to leave him behind. A piece of him looks at your transformation and feels his wife his doing some amazing things. Getting better. He just feels left behind. Bring him along. Show him how a little bit of this and a little bit of that will benefit you both.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! If you've extended an invite for your husband to join your journey and since he refused, you can't beat yourself up. However, you can find ways to be sensitive to his feelings. But first,you should explain that you made changes to fit in his world by putting part of your real self aside. He doesnt necessarily need to commit to the same fitness journey, but he can simply cheer you on and be supportive until he himself decides to start.
ReplyDeleteI read this 3x before i decided to leave my comment. I can relate to soo much of this. Its really scary. I really admire your courage for sharing your feelings
ReplyDeleteThank you!!!
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